Red
by Tiny Otaku
Summary: Allen is in critical condition, unstopable bleeding from a gaping wound is weakening him. 3 of his friends have to keep him alive, but one action will turn lavi's world upside down and force him to take a new perspective on life and love. pairings inside
1. Red

Red

_Red_

_I love the colour red._

_So pretty against the dull black and white of our uniforms._

_My friends are all beautiful. Beautiful and red._

_Lenalee's lips_

_Lavi's hair_

_Kanda's hands as they press down on my chest, growing redder by the moment._

_And their eyes, all puffy, swollen and red, glistening tears running down their faces. I smile gently, gazing up at them._

_It would make them happy if I told them how beautiful they were. Lenalee would blush and smile sheepishly at the compliment, Lavi would laugh and pat me on the back. Kanda would probably hit me, but he'd still be happy._

"I love you guys,"_ I say, _"because you all look so pretty in red."

_Lavi turns to me, a pained expression darkening his features. He turns to Kanda and shouts something. Something was lost._

_That's okay though, I'll help him find it in the morning._

* * *

"_I-I love . . ."_ Allen's feeble voice faded as the blood poured from the gaping wound in his chest. _"Pretty, red's pretty"_ he murmured to himself sleepily.

Lavi grimaced, "Kanda! He's losing it!"

Kanda shot a warning glare over his shoulder. "You think I don't know that?! Shut the fuck up and hurry up with the fucking bandages!" he moved one blood soaked hand to the side slightly to check on the flow and the blood cascaded into the dirt. He quickly reapplied pressure to the wound, swearing under his breath.

"What are you doing back there baka-usagi?!"

Lavi scowled and returned to tearing Allen's discarded shirt into ribbons.

"How's he doing Lenalee?"

Lenalee held Allen's head in her lap, mopping his face with a wet scrap of fabric.

"His fever's spiking. Oh god, Lavi, is he going to be okay?"

Lenalee dipped the cloth in the bucket next to her, trying to hide her trembling hands as Lavi attempted the same, holding one of Allen's pale hands in his own.

"It's okay Lenalee, he'll get through this." But Lavi's voice shook. He wasn't sure how much longer Allen could hold out with such an extreme amount of blood loss.

Suddenly, Allen's hands went limp.

"Allen? Allen!" Lavi's voice rose and cracked as he tried to wake the snow haired boy.

"Shut up Lavi! His pulse is still there. But if you take any longer with those goddamn bandages he isn't going to last much longer."

Lavi swallowed hard and passed over the remains of Allen's shirt.

"Che, these are too thin." Kanda mumbled, but began to bind Allen's horrific injury none the less.

Lenalee crawled to her feet warily.

"I'll get clean water." She managed to whisper, before dashing out into the rain, bucket in hand.

Lavi watched her go, despair seeping in with the cold.

"Lavi!" Kanda snapped.

Lavi jumped and turned to Kanda, who was glaring over at him.

"Take lenalee's place for now. Try and get him awake."

Lavi crawled to Allen's head and lifted it into his lap.

"Allen? Allen, buddy, talk to me. Allen?"

The boy's eyelids fluttered and opened sluggishly, his usually clear piercing eyes dull and grey as they peeked through his lashes.

"La . . .vi?"

"Yeah, it's me, see?" Relief made him giddy as allens eyes focused on his face, lips curling into a faint smile.

Allen raised his hand and stroked lavi's hair.

"_Red. . ."_ he rasped out the single word, his voice rough and harsh. _"Pretty. . ."_

Once again, Allen lost consciousness and his hand thudded to the packed earth.

"Allen? Allen! Talk to me buddy, Allen!" Lavi leaned over, searching he boys face for any sign of life.

"Shit" Kanda swung back to the supplies and began searching for supplies.

Allen's eyes opened groggily as tears dropped onto his face.

"_Mm? Lavi . . . you look . . . pretty."_ Sluggishly, he intertwined his hands into Lavi's jacket and gently caressed Lavi's hair. _"Lot's of red"_.

"Allen, please, you gotta stay focused. For us, For me!" Lavi pleaded, reaching over Allen to grab the cloth Lenalee had left behind. But before his hand closed on the fabric, he felt a tug on his coat and looked down to see Allen's eyes, bright and intense, inches from his own.

"Wha . . .?" Lavi had no time to react as he was hauled down. It only lasted a moment, by the time kanda turned back to them, Lavi was sitting up, shocked, with Allen motionless at his feet. The bleeding had slowed thanks to Kanda's bandages, and his breathing had evened out. He was still in critical condition, but a contented smile was spread across his face.

**So what is joo thinking?**

**depending on the reviews i may or may not post a sequel/2nd chapter.**

**r&r please.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own dgm or any of it's characters.**

**I'd really like to own lavi though. Mmmmmmmmmmm . . . tasty red hair. . .**


	2. Lavi

Lavi leaned against the railings, taking in the chilly night air. He lightly touched a finger to his lips as he remembered the traumatic events of the day before last.

"Lavi-san?" Lenalee appeared at the door, garbed in a long flowing black gown and simple black shoes. "Are you sure that you're not coming to check up on Allen with us?"

Lavi nodded, not trusting his voice on this particular topic and glad that she couldn't see the blush creeping across his cheeks.

Lenalee frowned, she knew something was wrong. Lavi had been acting withdrawn ever since she returned to the camp site with clean water. She thought it was out of worry for Allen, but even after they had admitted him into a hospital and stabilised, the red head continued to stare out into the night, vague and distant for long periods of time.

With a final glance out onto the balcony, Lenalee disappeared into the hallway.

Back outside, Lavi was growing colder. However, questions plagued him and kept him from sleeping and the hotel room seemed to close in on him when he paced within its walls.

He rested his chin on his arms as his single green eye reflected the serene ocean view, the light wind touslingd his unruly hair.

_What were you thinking Allen?_

* * *

Lenalee sat at Allen's bedside, carefully brushing the stray hairs from his peaceful face. She smiled gently as she listened to the silly things he murmured under his breath.

Kanda was waiting just outside the room, talking to the medical staff about Allen. When they had first arrived to visit their friend, the doctors and nurses had been inviting and helpful, showing them to his room and briefing them on his recovery.

So far, Allen hadn't woken up yet, but the nurses assured Lenalee that this was normal after such extreme blood loss. They were allowed only 20 minutes visiting time after dinner initially, which was to be increased gradually as the younger boy recovered.

"Nn. . ." Allen stirred slightly, shaking his head a bit with a frustrated look on his face. Lenalee shot a concerned look in his direction, worrying briefly about his condition despite the doctor's positive attitude.

Behind her, the door clicked shut softly as Kanda entered the room.

"They've said he won't be able to leave for another week and the stitches won't come out for a month after that." He said, opting to hang around the doorway rather then sit at the bedside. "We have to leave in 5 minutes though, the doctors are going to run some tests or something."

"That's okay. . ." Lenalee was glad for the time they had been given, brief as it had been. But there was still something bothering her.

"Kanda, has Lavi been acting . . . weird?" She hated describing her friend in such a way but that was the only word she could think of to adequately portray his actions over the past few days.

Kanda's confused expression was enough of an indication that he hadn't noticed any changes.

"Weird?"

"Yeah. Like, he hasn't smiled since we got back. And he looks away if you talk about Allen."

Kanda's face changed from confused to thoughtful as he recalled the last couple of days. Finally, he looked up, meeting Lenalee's calm lavender eyes with his own steely blacks.

"No." he said in a matter-o-fact kind of way.

Lenalee sighed and turned back to Allen. "Watch closely next time he's around. You'll pick it up."

Kanda raised an eyebrow, but didn't argue, instead choosing to sit against the wall and observe.

* * *

A few minutes walk away, the subject of their conversation leaned dejectedly on the railings, staring out into the dark with thousands of questions swirling around inside his head. But there was one major query that stood out from the rest

_What do I do Allen?_

_

* * *

_

**okay, so kind of a short chapter in which nothing significant happened, but i promise that the next chapter ('_white'_) will have juicey drama and crap like that so hold fast for me.**

**I've already written it, but it has to get checked for grammar and spelling by my friend, so bear with me! **

**on the side, thanks to all the people who reviewed. 9 in less than 24 hours! special thanks to sharinganJ and sazuka-chan as Lavi's hair is indeed perdy. :D i want it for my birthday!**

**Disclaimer: don't own dgm. but if i did, i'd have lavi's hair in a heartbeat.**


	3. White

**Yay! chapter 169 of d.gray man out today! nothing much happened though . . . mumbles complaints about lack of screen time for Lavi**

**and so, to releive your bordom, here is yet another crappy instalment of _red_.**

* * *

_White_

_Soft warm sheets_

_Feather pillows_

_The sweet smells of a baked breakfast as a trolley lady goes around._

_But still something is missing._

_Maybe it's the same thing as before, the one Lavi lost._

_White is so boring. . ._

* * *

"Lavi-san?"

The red haired 18 year old looked over his shoulder at Lenalee.

"What?"

"Lavi, don't act so off putting."

"I can do what I want."

Lenalee glared at him and stormed off, even being in his presence was infuriating.

Four days. That's how long his pouting session had lasted so far. _Four days_.

He could at least talk to them about what was bothering him.

He didn't even react when she'd told him the news about Allen. They'd received news from the hospital that he'd woken up briefly in the morning, long enough to eat a hearty breakfast before nodding off again. It was fantastic news, Allen was getting better, but all Lavi had done was avert his eyes as he usually did and walk out to the balcony.

That stupid balcony.

That was basically the only place he'd go now. They'd come back from their first hospital visit to find him asleep at the foot of the railings, tossing and turning in the cold.

It was obvious that something was worrying him. She'd woken the other night in desperate need of a drink, and so went to the kitchen. But as she passed Lavi's room, she took a quick peek inside to find him curled in a corner, head bowed.

_What the hell is wrong with you Lavi?_

* * *

"Lavi-san?"

_Go away._

"What?" all he wanted was some headspace, a bit of room to think things over. Couldn't they give him that?

"Lavi, don't act so off putting."

"I can do what I want."

He knew she was irritated. He could almost feel her glaring at him, The heat of her eyes on the back of his neck, before she stormed out of the room.

Four days she'd been following him around. _Four days_.

He wasn't in any mood to talk with her. Especially since she seemed hell bent on talking about _that guy_.

Just the thought of him was enough to send sufficient colour to his cheeks that they matched his hair almost perfectly.

He didn't know what to do. He'd never really thought about the white haired boy that way. But the more he did, the more it seemed to click in his mind.

The way he smiled.

The way he laughed.

The way he walked. . .

- Even the way the goddamn little brat ate his food.

He couldn't go to see him. Not while he was still so confused.

The only place he seemed to be able to clear his head was on the balcony outside. The breezes, no matter how small, seemed to whisk away all the unnecessary clutter in his head, leaving him with a few key questions to think about.

It also cooled his head. Like when the news of Allen had come, and even in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep, he'd venture out into the dark, casting his eyes out over the town with a serene silence about him.

He crossed his arms on the railing and rested his forehead against them.

_What the hell is wrong with you Lavi?_

* * *

Kanda stood by the door, impatiently tapping his foot as Lenalee went to get Lavi from the balcony. They were going to see Allen now that he was awake but all Kanda wanted to do was stay at home.

Wasn't it enough that the brat was okay? Couldn't he leave already? But no, Komui had to go and give him orders to accompany the trio home.

_Che, stupid supervisor. . ._

Lavi was walking across to the kitchen, hands deep in his pockets, sullen expression crossing his dark features. This was the fifth day he'd been moping, not that Kanda cared, but all Lenalee's shouting interrupted his meditation which was _very_ irritating.

"Lavi! Come on."

_Here we go again_. Kanda thought to himself.

The red head merely turned and gave her a cold frosty stare. And it was a pretty impressive one too.

"Leave me alone Lenalee." He said in a stiff tone.

The Chinese girl tried taking on a different approach this time. She walked up behind him and placed a soft hand on his shoulder.

"Lavi, plea-"

"GET THE HELL OFF ME!" he roared, spinning around and beating her hand away.

"Lavi -." She tried again.

"Just shut the hell up! I don't need to go see anyone! I'm not supposed to feel this way!" His shut his eyes, backed up against the wall and covered his ears. "You don't know what happened to me! So just get the _fuck_ out and LEAVE ME ALONE!"

The room was silent. Kanda was surprised at the carrot tops' outburst. _Who knew he had it in him_.

Lenalee took a few steps forward until she was just in front of the 18 year old.

"Lavi." She said, clear authority in her tone.

The boy swung his head up, a scathing retort on his tongue, but it never got out.

SLAP

Kanda winced as the girls hand connected with his friends face. It looked like it hurt, _a lot_.

Lavi stood there, stunned, blinking stupidly.

"How are we supposed to know?" she said quietly, and somehow this was even scarier than her shouting. "Countless times I asked. Why. What happened. What's wrong. But you ignored me."

"Y-you don't need to know!" he said, still recovering from the slap.

That was the wrong thing to say. Lenalee's head snapped up, fury crumpling her delicate features she pulled her hand back and let loose again.

**SLAP**

This one was louder, and came with enough force to send him stumbling backwards into the wall. He slid down the rough surface, still holding his cheek where she had slapped him.

Lenalee's legs gave way and she thudded to the floor, holding her face in her hands. She looked up, angry tears splashing down her cheeks.

"Yes we do! We don't just want to know, we _need_ to know. We're worried! That's what friends do. They look out for each other, support each other. And then you go and say selfish things like that. I might not be able to help, but knowing you're in pain and not being able to do a damn thing about it, how could you do that to us? To me!"

She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, sobs still wracking her body.

"How could you do that to Allen?" she whispered. As if on queue, Lavi's face turned red and he looked away. Lenalee grabbed his chin and pulled it back to face her as she surveyed him sternly.

"You can come or you can stay. What ever Allen did to you, I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you."

She released him as Kanda helped her up. The Japanese man figured that was as much drama as he could handle today. As they walked out of the room, Lenalee looked back over her shoulder at Lavi.

"It's up to you." She called, and shut the door, leaving him sitting against the wall, deep in thought.

* * *

**Okay, there's your 'drama'. a good old fashioned bitch slap. Not sure if the whole POV thing worked or not though, so r&r on your thoughts. Flames and cc accepted and cherished in a closet at the back of my room as well as those reviews that are just plain nice.**

**next chapter is like, a GAZILLION miles long so I'm considering breaking it in half so there isn't as much to read in one go.**

**hope this chapter was better than the last one (even _I_ thought that was boring) and that the next chapter of the official d.gray man manga is slightly more satisfying than smashing your head against a rock for long periods of time.**

* * *


	4. Kiss

**oki doki.**

**Soory about the wait guys, i had to clean the house on saturday and sunday was my mum's birthday so i didn't get much time to write.**

**On the plus side, the sydney animania festival is in two weeks! SCORE! I'm going as allen walker .**

**okay, back on subject, here is the next edition of 'red'.**

* * *

"Lenalee

"Lenalee!" Allen's face lit up at the sight of his raven haired companion who returned his smile with an even sweeter one.

"And Kanda came too?" he said incredulously as the surly man closed the door behind him.

"Don't act so surprised." He muttered.

"Allen, how're you feeling?" Lenalee resumed her usual position by the bedside and took his hand.

The younger boy beamed up at her. "I'm fine, the nurses here are really nice. I still can't walk though, the doctor said too much strain on my muscles will split the stitches."

Lenalee smiled back at him. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Allen nodded cheerfully when thought occurred to him.

"Hey Lenalee, where's Lavi?"

Instantly, the two Asians stiffened and exchanged glances. Allen wasn't stupid, he knew when something was wrong.

"L-Lenalee? Kanda? What happened to Lavi?" he asked cautiously, fearing the worst for his friend.

Lenalee swallowed and turned back to him. "He's back at the hotel. I think. . . I think you might have hurt him somehow."

Allen was silent for a few seconds as a concerned Lenalee looked on. Finally, he looked up again.

"What did I do?" he asked quietly, and the sadness in his voice tore at Lenalee's heart.

"We don't know," she said truthfully, "but he'll forgive you Allen. I know he will."

Allen looked down again and tears began to dot his crisp white sheets.

Kanda rolled his eyes, the nurses had warned them that he might get emotional due to the drugs they were giving him, but he didn't think it would be this bad.

Lenalee on the other hand, was concerned. Without thinking twice, she threw her arms around him and pulled him close, stroking his snowy white hair.

"Its fine Allen, you probably didn't do anything at all."

Kanda smirked. "But Lenalee gave him enough of a slap that his cheek went the same shade as his hair."

Lenalee shot him a look that could have moved mountains, but something stirred in Allen's brain.

_Lavi's hair._

_Red hair._

He could remember the feel of it between his fingers, the look of it in the rain, the way it hung over him, dripping onto his face as-

_Shit_.

Suddenly everything clicked, memories came flooding in. The red, the injury, the pain.

_And the kiss._

"Lenalee -." he started, but something cut him off, something was pressed against his lips.

_Lenalee_

She was kissing him. The combination of the pain killers and the confusion inside made him dizzy as the kiss went on. He didn't know what to feel, what to do. He could hear Kanda making a disgusted noise, hear him opening the door to leave.

"Allen."

Allen, Lenalee and Kanda all turned to the open window.

Lavi was crouched, half in half out of the window, shock, rejection, and distress reflected in his eye.

Allen froze, like a deer in headlights, lost for words.

"Lavi please, wait-" he said desperately.

But the older boy didn't listen, he leapt from the windowpane into the street below and took off.

"LAVI!" Allen screamed. He tore the sheets off him, ripping the IV drip out of his arm at the same time, and hauled himself from the bed.

"Allen no!" Lenalee yelled, standing fast enough to upset the stool she was sitting on.

The boy ignored her and dragged himself through the window, activating his innocence as he fell and using it to slow his descent.

He hit the ground with a thud, but such harsh movements did not come without a price and blood had already begun to colour the side of the pale blue hospital shirt he was wearing. Ignoring the pain, he stumbled down the street, Lavi's orange scarf disappearing into the darkness ahead of him.

"Allen!" Lenalee landed next to him and grabbed his arm. "Stop, you have to go back! The doctor said that-."

"I know what he said." Allen wheezed, the small jump had taken more effort than expected. He covered his mouth as a coughing fit came on, and his hand came away sticky with blood. His knees buckled and he would've fallen flat on his face if Lenalee hadn't caught him.

She looked around anxiously for help, but the street was deserted.

"Kanda!" she called, but he had had disappeared during the confusion.

Running out of options, she took off her coat and draped it around Allen's shivering shoulders.

"Someone help! Please!" she screamed in desperation.

Allen's breathing had become laboured once again and his shirt was now covered in his blood..

Lenalee bit down on her lip. Allen needed her, but even more than that he needed someone who could help him. They were around the back of the hospital building, but it was one of those tricky streets where all the houses joined together at the sides and had one lane running down the back. She would have to jump to the top of the building and then lead them around the back via the alleyway, it would take time, but her own medical knowledge was limited at best and there was nothing she could do for him. She dragged him to the wall and propped him up against it before running into the street and leaping away.

* * *

Kanda cursed. He had lost him.

He'd asked dozens of locals about him, giving a rough description in return for rough estimates of his direction. His path led him winding through the town, taking a few wrong turns and such, but once he got to the bottle shop, the red head's objective became evident. Kanda seethed inwardly as he recalled the brief conversation.

_-Flashback-_

The wizened old man behind the counter had given him a cheery smile as he walked in.

"And what can I get for you on this clear starry night my young friend?"

"I'm looking for someone. He's a bit shorter than me with red hair, an eye patch and a bandanna."

The cheery welcoming smile morphed into an accusing stare and the shop owner turned away.

"Yeah, I know the guy. Don't know what you did to him though. The poor kid was too worked up to say anything."

Kanda blinked, he hadn't expected such a cold reaction. He opened his mouth to reply, then closed it, preferring instead to blink some more.

"What?" he managed at last.

The old man gave him a filthy look as he wiped down the counter.

"That poor boy, you could tell from the look in his eyes that some shrewd little bitch had broken his heart." He leaned forward, "You flippant types don't realise that sometimes people fall in love do you?"

Kanda blinked a few more times, processing the information slowly. Then, confusion gave way to irritation as he realised the old man's mistake.

Mugen didn't take long to come out after that, and the old man didn't put up quite the act with 48 inches of steel stretching from the hand of his customer to his exposed throat.

"If you ever, _ever_ even _think_ of that again or admit to someone else that a thought like that crossed your mind and I swear by my blade that I will end you." He hissed.

Now it was the old man's turn to blink.

"You- you're not a girl?" he stuttered.

Kanda growled and pressed his sword against the other mans neck.

"No! No you're not! Of course you're not."

"Where. Did. He. Go."

It wasn't a question, but more of a command. A wrinkled trembling hand pointed in the direction of the beach and Kanda lowered his sword.

"You'd better not have made this any worse than it already is." He growled, and left the shop.

_-end of flashback-_

And now here he was, standing at the water's edge and feeling _very_ irritated with everyone. Lavi for running off, Lenalee for being so inappropriate and forward, Allen not being careful in battle, but most of all, Komui for making him babysit the brats. Finally, when he decided he'd fumed enough for the night and wanted to hit something, he turned to go back, but a scrap of colour caught his attention.

An orange scarf lay on the sand at the edge of a rocky dune. Kanda took a deep breath and started up the incline, muttering promises of murder and torture as he went. As he climbed the last few meters, a very pathetic sight came into view.

Lavi was leaning with his back against the wall, arms resting on his knees. His eye patch hung from his neck and he had taken his boots off so that he was sitting barefoot in the sand, a half empty bottle hanging loosely from his hand and his eyes red from crying.

"Oi, baka usagi!" Kanda sat facing the red head, glaring at him as if he were trying to set him on fire with sheer will power. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Lavi turned his head slowly to survey the newcomer, then turned back to the ocean and took a long swig from the bottle, wincing as it went down. It was obviously something _very_ strong and Kanda internally cursed the bottle shop owner for selling it to him.

"I thought 'bout alotta stuff y'know." Lavi's slurred voice broke off the Japanese samurai's thoughts.

"I thought y'know that . . . that idiot . . . liked me. . ."

Kanda looked away, it was obvious now that Lavi liked Lenalee. His face when he saw her and the moyashi together was terrible. You could almost hear his heart break, especially since Allen was his best friend. That kind of betrayal was not easy to get over, even if it wasn't either of their faults. How were they supposed to know?

Once again, Lavi brought the bottle to his lips and downed almost all of it in the one go. Kanda was sure that wasn't good for him, but he was practically finished any way, and surely a few more drops wouldn't hurt him any more than the full bottle would.

"Lavi, just because they're together, doesn't mean they'll just leave you behind." He said, as gently as he could, which was still pretty rough. Comfort was in no way his specialty but he felt he should at least try. Suddenly, Lenalee's question popped into his mind.

"What did Allen say to you anyway, that night he was injured?" Kanda asked curiously.

Under other conditions, Lavi would never have told anyone about something like that, but alcohol had loosened his tongue and the words seemed more inclined to roll of his tongue. He smiled warmly and hugged his legs closer, resting his forehead on his knees.

"He kissed me."

Kanda blinked, much like he had at the bottle shop, but the expression on his face was slightly more shocked than before. The events of the last five days tumbled through his mind, locking together and making a full picture at last. Kanda suddenly realised that Lavi was trembling.

_Not again,_ he thought to himself,_ does everyone have to cry today?_

"Yuu . . ." he said in between sobs.

"Don't call me by my given name dammit!" Kanda snapped back.

"Thanks Yuu."

"Again with the first name!" the older of the two growled. "And anyway, what is there to thank me for?"

"Thanks, for coming to get me."

Kanda threw a dirty look in his direction before mumbling "don't worry about it."

* * *

**Hehe, lavi got drunk. o**

**So what'd you think? Is lavi walking in on Allen and lenalee enough drama for you guys? Does allen's leap of great justice satisfy your appetites? REVIEW DAMMIT!**

**also, I know Kanda is a bit OOC for this part but i needed someone to go get lavi and he hadn't really done anything useful so far.**

**Lavi: Isn't getting drunk the single most overused plot device in fanfiction history?**

**Me: Shut up, you're supposed to have a hangover.**

**Lavi: awww man!**


	5. friends

**okay, it's been about 2-3 days since i updated last and the reviews have been amazing. Thank you to everyone for putting up with me for so long!**

**anime convention is in 2 weeks, -drools- can't wait! **

**this chapter was done about 4 days ago, but i don't like posting stuff unless I've written the next chapter because, more lielly then not, something won't make sense and I'll have to go back and change it later. This chapter was re written about 4 times so i hope it's worth your time.**

**disclaimer: don't own dgm or any of it's characters. (has anyone else noticed that i never do disclaimers?)**

**enjoy!**

* * *

_Thump thump thump_

It was a nice kind of sound, one that echoed through your whole body, a not altogether unpleasant sensation.

_Thump thump thump_

But then again, it was more of a rhythm than a sound, a beat that you felt rather than heard. The tremor of heavy footsteps on cobblestone paths.

_Thuthump thuthump_

A different beat crept in behind the first, gaining strength. A heart beat.

_Thump thuthump_

Lavi smiled inwardly, appreciating the steady rhythm as it swirled around his mind. He sighed contentedly and snuggled closer to his pillow.

"Oi, baka-usagi, that's my neck you're strangling."

Lavi's eye flew open, a decision he instantly regretted as pain ripped through his head. He screwed his eyes shut and hissed, burying his face in the warm blackness before him as someone close by sighed irritably

It suddenly occurred to Lavi that the 'warm blackness' felt remarkably like the exorcist uniform and that his 'pillow' sounded a lot like a certain Japanese friend of his.

"Yuu?" he asked blearily.

"Don't call me by my first name!" Kanda snapped back. "I didn't have to do this so the least you could do is show me some thanks."

Lavi slowly became aware of his surrounding as he peeked slowly through his lashes, the mind numbing pain receding to a steady throb. As he realised where he was, he grinned sleepily.

"Piggy back huh Yuu?" he chuckled softly and then groaned as the pain in his head doubled.

"I swear I will drop you here and now."

Kanda stopped at a park bench and lowered his companion carefully onto the seat. He stepped back and looked down at his friend, a disapproving look about him.

"How bad is it?" he asked.

Lavi smiled weakly and pulled his bandanna over his face to stop some of the light getting through.

"Like I was run over by a truck and Komui tired to revive me by drilling a hole in my skull." he mumbled.

Kanda sighed and sat down beside him. The two were silent for a long while, before either of them said anything.

"Yuu, what happened last night?" Lavi asked softly, eyes to the floor.

"What do you remember?" Kanda surveyed the redhead critically, probing for a reaction. Did he still recall the incident at the hospital?

"I- I remember . . ." Lavi trailed off, confusion crossing his features. "I sat in the hotel room for a while, thinking about what Lenalee said, and I remember thinking she was right. I was locking the door to leave and then . . .something bad, something I was afraid of. Allen was there, and . . ." the read head's single eye widened in shock as he remembered the night before.

The older of the two raised an eyebrow. So he knew.

"Let's go back." Kanda said roughly. "The other two are probably worried."

He stood and pulled the other boy to his feet. Lavi stumbled forward and leaned against the lamp post for support, trying to get his bearings as the world spun. The colour drained from his face and he fell to his knees, losing whatever he had to eat the previous day. Kanda rolled his eyes and helped him to his feet again, this time pulling the boys arm across his shoulders and looping his own arm around Lavi's waist.

"Come on weakling, help me out here." He growled, pulling his friend forward. Lavi grinned weakly and they set off down the darkened streets toward the hospital.

* * *

Allen woke, drenched in sweat with a dull ache in his side. He looked around, he was back in hospital, Lenalee asleep by the bedside. Seeing her reminded him of the previous night and blushed, thinking of how soft her lips were.

_Not as soft as Lavi's though_ He thought. Wait, Lavi! He'd seen them from the window. And only 5 days after he himself had kissed the redhead . . . shit. He was such an idiot, he shouldn't have let Lenalee kiss him. Now two people had the wrong idea and his best friend probably hated him. Allen curled up at the top of the bed and buried his face in his hands. He really did fuck this up _a lot_ this time.

"Nn. . .?"

Allen looked up, Lenalee had woken up and was rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"Allen? You're awake." She mumbled.

He smiled back, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah, I guess I am aren't I?"

"What?"

"Never mind." How was he supposed to get out of this mess?

He felt a hand on his own and shut his eyes to avoid looking at her.

"Allen, what's wrong?" She probed gently.

He looked up at her serene smile and saw the worry in her eyes. But beyond that, he saw her strength. He saw the perseverance that kept her going after she was taken from her family as a child, the determination that kept her fighting when everyone else had fallen. He was sure she could handle the truth. She deserved to know how he felt.

"Lenalee . . . I have to talk to you." He took her other hand and pulled it to his chest, closing his eyes. _Please don't hate me Lenalee chan._

"About what?"

Allen took a deep breath and let it out slowly, calming his nerves. "About last night,"

The girl in front of him stiffened, almost jerking her hands out of his grasp.

"Uh, well. . . I-I don't think. . ." Allen kicked himself internally, why did he always act so awkward in these situations?

"It's okay Allen." Lenalee smiled sadly and planted a small kiss on his forehead. "I understand."

Allen looked genuinely surprised. "You do?"

She nodded, the same disappointed smile lingering on her lips as she smoothed back his hair.

"I won't make you go through with something you'll regret. If you don't return my feelings, then I'm not going to ask you to pretend." She stood and walked to the door, "I'll be in the waiting room if you need me." She said, tossing a final smile back at him and shutting the door softly.

She stood there a long while, fighting the tears that threatened to escape. Eventually, she worked up the strength to move from the doorway and found herself running down the hall, biting her lip to hold back the tears as she dodged nurses and visitors.

Finally, she reached a secluded hospital room and sank down into the corner, a single tear sliding down her cheek. She hated herself at that moment, she shouldn't be crying like this. It was Allen's choice and he had chosen not to be with her. That didn't justify a sulk fest, she had to be strong for her friends.

She wiped away her tear with a trembling finger. _That's right_ she thought to herself_ He's still my friend and nothing can change that_.

Lenalee smiled and stood up, she would buy him a card and maybe some flowers, make him know that even if he couldn't love her back, that she would always be there for him.

If not as a lover, than as a friend.

* * *

Allen sat in his room, staring at the place where he'd seen her long silky hair last, wondering if he'd made the right choice. Lavi would almost definitely hate him now, and he had turned away the girl who had been his first friend since his arrival at the order.

"Shit." He swore, holding his head in his hands.

"Shit is right." a voice. _That guy's voice ._

Allen looked up to see the bookman, supported by a very irritated looking Kanda, standing in the doorway

"Lavi . . ."

* * *

**dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun cliffhanger! a realy bad one, but a cliff hanger none the less. and NO to all the lavixyuu fangirls, i will not have kanda jump lavi at the end and ride off into the sunset. They are supposed to be friends in this fic. FRIENDS. If i feel like it, i MIGHT write a lavixyuu, but if i did it would only be a oneshot.**

**just so you know (i don't think i ever established this) this story is set before the group are given the mission to find general cross as lenalee is incredibly annoying once she loses her hair and so i can't possibly write a fanfic with someone as irritating as her in it. What happened to you lenalee? you used to be so badass!**

**The next chapter is pretty much done, but it might be shorter than you'd like and it is probably the second last one, with the last looking to be about a page and a half on word.**

**Thanks again for all your fantastic support and i hope i've met your expectations! REVIEW PLEASE!**


	6. Time

**Second last chapter!**

**This one's much shorter than the others, but i hope you like it anyway. The last chapter is supposed to be short as well since i'm just using it to tie up loose ends but i hope you like it anyway.**

**I might take a bit longer than usual to update next time since i have less time to write, but I'll try to make it reasonable.**

* * *

_Tick tock tick tock_

The clock ticked away in its secluded corner, the seconds wasting away.

Allen had never noticed the clock before, not that it wasn't a good clock or anything, but it tended to blend in to its surroundings. It was white with a black rim with small black numbers scattered around the edges and three long pointers to indicate the hour, minute and second. Plain and simple. Why couldn't his life be like that?

Allen returned his attention to the source of all the confusion in his life. Lavi sat across from him, resting his head on his interlocked fingers as he surveyed the younger boy.

They had spent the past 23 minutes (Allen had spent most of it watching the clock) 'talking it out' as Kanda put it. The irate swordsman had then left the room, locking the door behind him, leaving them to sort out this mess. However, once Allen had explained the situation with Lenalee and Lavi had apologised for not going to see him, the situation had become _very_ awkward.

"Uh, so I guess that means . . . well, I mean only if you want to . . . not that I'm trying to pressure you or anything!" Allen tried to address the problem, but the words coming out of his mouth didn't sound right. "I just wanna know what . . . well . . . what you think." He finished lamely.

Lavi lowered his hands and sat up straight, meeting Allen's uncertain gaze head on.

"I think that I need some space and time to think this over Allen." He said in a level voice, but the blush creeping down his neck gave away his discomfort. "I'm a bookman, this might not go down well."

Allen thought about it for a moment before taking a deep breath.

"That's fine, but you have to promise me one thing."

"Allen, I can't-" Lavi began, but Allen cut him off.

"Promise me you won't run away." He said firmly. "Promise me you won't leave without saying anything, that you'll give me the answer to my face."

Lavi stared at the boy for a second or to, before a thin smile crept long his lips.

"I promise." He said.

Allen smiled, and the older boy was surprised to feel his heart skip a beat. _Gah! stupid Lavi, you need to think this over, just calm down._ He slid off the bed he was sitting on and walked toward the door.

"Lavi! Wait!" Lavi heard the mattress groan as it was relived of its weight and the sound of Allen's footsteps. He sighed and turned back to the boy.

"What is it no- hmmpf!" Lavi was caught off guard as Allen grabbed his collar and pulled him down, kissing him long and deep. This one wasn't like the kiss from before, which had been short and fleeting, a brief after thought in a moment of desperation. This one was slow and purposeful, something that he would remember, and treasure, for the rest of his life.

Finally, Allen released his collar and wiped his mouth, smiling cheerily at his friend who stood, rooted to the ground, still in a daze from the kiss.

"Just thought I'd get one for the road. I wasn't sure if I'd get another chance, so I made it count." He said sheepishly.

"Y-yeah." Lavi mumbled, and stumbled to the door, still off balance from Allen's boldness. "Make it . . count."

He wasn't sure whether or not he was ready to give up his dream of becoming a bookman just yet, but he'd be damned if he tried to tell himself he didn't want anymore of _that_. Allen had certainly given him something to think about for the long tip home. Lavi closed the door behind him and leaned against it.

"Damn you moyashi . . ." he mumbled, touching a finger to his lips.

* * *

For the next week and a half, Lavi avoided the hospital. It felt like he was back to square one, avoiding everyone and thinking alone. When Lenalee and Kanda went to see Allen, he would excuse himself and go sit by the river at the outskirts of town, trying to sort out his thoughts and emotions. If Lenalee got worried or asked him what was wrong, he would smile and tell her that he would be fine in a few days which she wasn't altogether happy with, but she seemed to accept that he needed time and Lavi had his suspicions that Kanda had talked to her about it. Kanda himself had taken to eying him warily whenever he saw him but he never asked any questions of the redhead, something he was incredibly thankful for.

He did, after all, have a lot to think about.

Could he give up what he had worked all his life to achieve? How would bookman take the news, if he should tell him at all? Would it affect his stance as an exorcist?

Did he really love Allen?

That was the big one. He tried to avoid thinking about it, but it wouldn't stay away. Did he really love the boy or was he just over thinking the problem because he had been kissed by him? The thought made his head hurt and his heart ache. A week wasn't long enough, he needed more time, but time was something he couldn't have. As a bookman he knew that, knew that time was something that could not be taken lightly.

He scowled and rested his head in his hands, dipped his feet in the cool, clean water as if it would steal away the problems that the wind had missed.

He sighed and leaned back, surveying the sky.

Damn you Walker.

* * *

**So! what'd you think? Allen finally kissed lavi :). and not one of those delirious "OMG so many hormones" kisses when he was half dead, but a premeditated make out kiss. HELLS YES! and now lavi is all conflicted inside :D.**

**If all goes according to plan, the next chapter will be the last. BUT it might not come out for a couple of days since i haven't finished it and my cosplay isn't done for animania AND I'm working on Saturday. but don't give up on me!**

**review or i will be sad and i can't write laven when i'm sad :(**

**Lavi: Stop whining!**

**Me: be quiet or I'll take your hair.**

**Lavi: Yes ma'am**

**Me: ha! that's not being quiet! I get your hair 3. (And of course I'll share it with xplacebo)**

**Lavi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I like my hair!**

**Me+xplacebo: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Also, i need a beta. . . does anyone here like 'betaing'?**


	7. cards

**GAH! I really wanted to put the ace of spades reference, but due to my shitty choice of setting, it wouldn't make any sense if I did. Stupid Lenalee for losing her awesomeness after one haircut, she's such a sook now, and I can't write about sooks!**

**FINAL CHAPTER! I think I'm gonna cry. -tear-**

* * *

The train carriage rumbled along the track, jolting its occupants uncomfortably at every bump. Allen leaned against the cool glass, staring vacantly out the window at the scenery as it slid away from him, just like everything did eventually.

His blue grey eyes flickered for a moment back to his red haired companion. The bookman trainee was lounging back on the seat, reading a book, his eyes darting back and forth across the page. Returning his gaze back to the horizon, the white haired exorcist sighed.

It had been almost a week and a half since the hospital kiss and Lavi had not spoken directly to him once. Even when Allen had been released yesterday, he had not been waiting outside with Lenalee and Kanda who told the disappointed boy that his red haired companion had opted to remain behind and pack for the journey home. Lavi _had_ asked for some space, but he didn't expect him to totally ignore him for a week and frankly, it hurt.

Allen shrugged off thoughts of his exorcist friend and pulled a deck of cards from his pocket. Solitaire would take his mind off of things, he enjoyed the simple rules, and straight forward methods used in the game, the way it never surprised him with complex emotions or personal problems.

Allen scowled. How did he manage to link cards with his relationships? Was there nothing that could take his mind off of the matter?

He pulled the cards toward him and put them away with a huff. It was almost as if everything reminded him of Lavi now. The older boy was like a plague in his mind, consuming his every thought. He needed an answer soon or he felt like he would explode.

He stole another glance at Lavi as the train lurched to a halt at the station, but the teen seemed unaffected and continued reading. Suddenly, the door was thrown open, Kanda's oppressive frame filling the space as Lenalee peeked in through the side.

"Hurry up moyashi, we're getting off." He snapped at the two of them. "And you too baka usagi, get a move on."

Lavi smirked and began putting his book back in his bag. Allen however, didn't waste any time scurrying out of the door, anything to escape the awkward silence between them.

* * *

The boat made a dull thud as it hit the stone dock and the finder at the head of the boat quickly tied it to the post, securing it so the exorcists could disembark. Kanda was the first out, stepping elegantly out of the rocky vessel and turning to assist Lenalee as she crawled out. Once she was firmly on dry land, Kanda grabbed her arm and dragged her toward the steps.

"Wha-? Kanda! Wait for All-"

"Leave them." The Japanese man cut her off sharply, startling her into silence. "They need to talk and we need to let them."

Lenalee cast a final concerned glance at Allen as he unloaded the baggage before sighing and following the samurai up the cold stone steps.

* * *

Allen unloaded the bags in silence, working quickly and efficiently as Lavi unsteadily stepped from the boat. The white haired boy avoided looking at him, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor as he muttered a farewell to the finder and turned stiffly to the staircase, dragging the baggage behind him.

Suddenly, he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Allen." Lavi was close enough that Allen could feel his breath on the back of his neck. Hesitantly, he turned to the older boy. He was holding something out, an ace of spades.

"You left this on the train," He said, smiling kindly, "thought you might want it."

Allen blushed and gratefully accepted the card, before stuffing it into his pocket and pulling away. But before he could leave, a hand grabbed his arm.

"Wait, please." Surprised, Allen looked back at Lavi. A blush had formed across his face and he wouldn't look the smaller boy in the eye. "About . . . what you said."

Allen's stomach dropped. This was it, he had been too forward, too demanding. Lavi was going to turn him down. Why wouldn't he? The boy tried to steel himself for the news.

"I- can we, go to the town or something later?" he asked stiffly.

Allen blinked. Go into town? That wasn't a rejection was it? But it had to be.

"I mean, if you still . . . y'know, like me." The red head mumbled.

Allen smiled, if there was ever a time that he had been happier than this, he couldn't remember it. Suddenly, the dark, gloomy corridor seemed a lot brighter, but anywhere with Lavi was guaranteed to be a better place than one without him. And he was definitely not going to waste a moment of the time they had together.

Allen's innocent smile turned into a devilish grin as he yanked the other boys coat down toward him.

"Every moment counts Lavi." He murmured and pulled the surprised boy in for the kiss.

* * *

**The final chapter. Man this was fun to write. I managed to slip in the ace of spades, even if it was a bit random.**

**thank you to everyone who reviewed. Please let me know whether you enjoyed the story and if there's any parts that were ooc or could've been written better.**

**Lavi: can i have my hair back?**

**Me: NO! I'm starting a rental service for crazed fangirls such as my self.**

**Lavi: do i get a cut from the profits?**

**Me: no. feathery fear is starting it with me so we'll be going 50-50.**

**Lavi: Damn you fangirls . . .**

**Me: you love us, you do.**

**Thanks for reading! next story will probably be a oneshot about Lavi. may or may not have pairings. if it does, will be LAVEN!**

**ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!!**


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